David Felder, Author: Daves One-line movie reviews

Monday, March 22, 2010

Daves One-line movie reviews

I've seen more movies the past five months than I've seen in the past five years, so I figured I'd fill up this first blog entry with some one-line movie reviews.

Here's my rule for reviewing movies. My feeling is that movie reviews are so totally subjective as to be unfair. Just because some hooey highfalutin' staff writer for a newspaper says a movie is bad, doesn't mean there's nothing in it for anyone else. Aside from differences in tastes, even a bad film can have some good parts. That being said, when I write a one-line movie review, I won't say if the movie's good or bad or if you should see it or not. I'll just try to come up with some clever one-line summation of the movie, intended to inflate my ego and sense of self importance.

Hey - I'm not much different than a real film critic after all.

Inglourious Basterds - Ok, saw it more than 4 months ago, but a great twisted, humorous film. I even bought the DVD. If only it really happened that way.....

Star Trek - Hmmmmm.... I think I saw this already. "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure," with updated special effects. At least Captain Kirk gets laid by a human this time.

A Serious Man - You have to be Jewish to get it. Quite an alternative direction from "No Country for Old Men."

Sherlock Holmes - I don't care what everyone else says - very entertaining, in spite of Guy Ritchie thinking he was making a BMW commercial.

Whatever Works - Sorry, fell asleep. Woke up to sound of breaking glass and LD jumping out of a window, so not a total loss.

The Road - A whole new level in depressing movie making. Pretty close adaptation of the book, which didn't have any punctuation.

Book of Eli - Remake of "The Road" with good fight scenes. How come everyone turns into cannibals every time a few nuke's go off? Favorite line: "If you put your hand on me again, I'll cut it off."

2012 - German director Roland Emmerich's fantasy response to "Inglouorious Basterds." What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or however the cliche goes. Speaking of cliche's, see this movie - great fun for the action and effects.

The Hurt Locker - Tense movie about bomb squads in Iraq. Liked it, but surprised it was considered Academy Award material, especially when there are so many great movie adaptations about video games and cartoons . . .

It's Complicated - all the funny parts were in the trailer. If she makes you go to this, she owes you a zombie or cop movie on a Saturday night.

Avatar - It might be 3D, but you can't fool me. Army bad - Coporation bad - Tree people good. Anti government, anti business film from the director of the two biggest money making movies in history. Guess business isn't that bad, as long as it's lining his pockets.

500 Days of Summer - Yeah, slept through this one too.

Crazy Horse - "The Wrestler" with country music.

ZombieLand - Great flick! Must see comedy! Woody Harrelson deserved an Oscar. Best enjoyed with a tin of Octopus in tomato sauce.

The Blind Side - Kick ass football sequences with short dresses and Sandra Bullock doing the Eric Brockovitch routine a-la Julia Roberts. Sensitive sports movie for couples to enjoy together. Did I mention Sandra Bullock looks great in a short dress?

Up in the Air - Got to the theater late and had to sit in the front row. Movie was a 30 foot George Clooney nostril. Why do they even bother putting seats that close?

Love Happens - Ugh. Never give up the remote when looking for something on pay-per-view. But she owes me Nightmare on Elm Street next month.....

Time Traveler's Wife - haven't seen it yet, but she won't let me avoid it much longer. I feel another nap coming up . . . .

Forest Gump - I know, I know. It's an oldie, but cable channel AMC ran it twice a night for a whole week this month. I must have watched it at least five times. Momma says - you got to put the past behind you before you can move on.

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About Me (long version)

This is a not-quite too professional biography of David Felder, but it's the best that you're going to get on this blogsite. The dates and descriptions are all accurate. The writing style suggests an immaturity that is hardly expected from a 52 year old man. All I can do to justify my apparent lack of refinement or intellectual development is to quote from a 1965 poem by Pete Townhsend: "I hope I die before I get old."

David Felder was born in Newark, NJ on July 20, 1958.

An early graduate of the Class of 1963 at Featherbed Lane Nursery School, he joined the Linden, NJ school system in September of 1964, where he began his early career by wetting his pants and crying whenever another student touched his crayons. Despite typical emotional problems, punctuated by eating library paste, poor skipping skills and refusing to take a nap when required, David’s excellent reading ability enabled him to overcome the stringent academic requirements to join the first grade in 1965.

David's first years in the public school system were fraught with trial and tribulation. He steadfastly refused to clean under his fingernails, continued to cry when he didn't understand his lessons, and insisted on reading magazines and newspapers, even when his first grade teacher commented that he should limit himself to "The Adventures of Dick, Jane and Spot."

In 1969, young Felder, inspired by his voracious appetite for scientific mimicry, attempted to start his own Space Program. Building rockets from plastic cylinders filled with baking soda and vinegar, David oversaw several successful launches of his own satellites, the most powerful of which attained an altitude of nearly ten feet.

Realizing the conquest of space was outside his reach through the use of chemical rockets, David began plans for his own solid fuel powered missiles. For booster rockets, he nailed a series of 2 x 4 studs around several coffee cans. An old pointy chimney cap, salvaged from a neighbor’s garbage, acted as a nosecone.

Collecting unexploded Fourth of July fireworks, he meticulously unwrapped the paper cases and collected the gunpowder in vials. In a rocket engine of his own design, the fourth grader planned to ignite the explosives, propelling his wooden space ship to the moon and beyond.

His mother, noticing the missing matches from the kitchen, caught David before he had a chance to set himself on fire or blow anything up. As to how a 65 lb. eleven year old boy would fit into a four foot long rocket the thickness of a coffee can, David provided no explanation.

The matches now hidden and his countdown timer confiscated, David’s grandfather introduced him to Monster Magazines. One of the magazines featured a short article about a young filmmaker who was making his own monster movies using his father's 8mm movie camera. The story set off a light bulb in David's brain; if he couldn't get to the moon in his rocket, he could make a movie and use special effects to create his interstellar trip.
As any Producer must do, David began a concerted effort to raise the funds necessary to create his spectacle. With a reel of movie film costing almost five dollars and processing adding another three bucks to the efforts, David looked in his parents' furniture cushions and begged relatives for money for several weeks. A major breakthrough occurred when David realized his mother would pay for the film processing if he dropped the film off at the photo store, allowing her to mistake it for family pictures on a subsequent visit.

The year was 1970 when David's first movie, "Apollo," premiered to a captive audience that included his parents, brother and dog. The four-minute film told the story of an Apollo spacecraft that was eaten by a giant space monster, terrifyingly portrayed by a sock-puppet made at day camp the previous summer. An interesting production note is that David accidentally set the couch on fire, while using it as a lighting stand for a 2400 watt light bar. Luckily, the fire was extinguished before the house burned down.

Although somewhat amateurish in its appearance, the film making experience set a hook in David's heart and mind that still exists today.
The next six years saw a steady progression of films, including "Return of the Blob," "Marco the Magic Monster," "Chronicles of Horror," and his famous "Bicentennial Film." Although short in run time, the films demonstrated a talent for thinking visually and a constant flow of original ideas that combined with his sharp wit and satiric sense of humor.

Graduating from Linden High School in 1976, David was accepted at several Colleges and Universities, but chose Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ; both for its close proximity to his home and New York City, as well as a wise observation that "there's no way my parents can afford to pay for a private college and a car for me at the same time."

In the summer preceding his arrival at Rutgers College, David began work on his epic Poop of the Gods, a satiric tribute to Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey." David's film eventually took over two years to complete, due to its length (over 60 minutes), a high shooting ratio (over 4 hours of film were shot), the decision to make a sound film (which required the purchase of sound striping and sound recording equipment) and finally, the need to split his few available funds between his film and his collegiate beer drinking requirements.

At its premiere to an audience of family and friends, the collective group asked the same question that most viewer's of Stanly Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey asked: "What was that movie about?" Unsure as to whether he had just equaled Stanley Kubrick's genius, or had failed miserably in his attempt to tell a story, David decided to expand his audience to a drugged and drunken college audience. As an excuse for groups of college youth to assemble and drink, Poop of the Gods enjoyed a respectable life on the campus film circuit. David was receiving the admiration he so sought out from inebriated youths across the state, which encouraged him to continue his studies in the film and television discipline.

Applying for his first broadcast position while a senior in his studies, David encountered an alumnus from his college fraternity, Kappa Sigma, who was willing to give him a chance working on a financial news broadcast. David worked hard, putting in two days a week as an unpaid intern, re-writing wire copy and features stories for broadcast, while most interns only worked one day. He also gave up on his "basket weaving" electives to take courses in Business and Economics to better prepare him for his internship.

At the television station, David befriended the studio manager, who allowed him to come in for an additional unpaid shift twice a week, but also gave him twice as much experience as he would have gotten under his original internship plans.

The strategy of doing four times as much work as everyone else for free, a compensation plan which he has strictly adhered to throughout his career, has insured that David was hired upon his graduation from Rutgers College in 1981.

Having a broadcast job during the recession of 1981 was a proud achievement for David, even if it only paid minimum wage. At the time, a producer at the station had just signed a deal with the "Wall Street Journal" newspaper to produce a daily market wrap-up that would be broadcast nationwide over the fledgling USA Network. The producer hired David to assist with the show, and David suddenly was working for the Wall Street Journal as an assistant writer and associate producer.

After several years at the Journal, David decided to move on to a corporate position as the head of the Video Production department at TRW, a multinational conglomerate. Over the next ten years, he wrote and/or produced almost 180 training videos with a staff of two technicians.

The turning point in his corporate career came in 1987, when David was promoted out of the Video Production Department into a staff management position. Although he was still responsible for video production, a large number of additional management duties began to occupy his time and he felt himself growing further and further away from the creative work he enjoyed.

With his employer's knowledge, David started his own company and began to take on small video production jobs for local businesses.

In 1991, TRW decided to sell the division that David worked for. David was told to layoff three employees from his department. Through discussions with his management, David worked out an agreement whereby he would be laid off and receive a compensation package that would help him survive the first six months of his independence (or unemployment, depending upon how you chose to look at it.)

As TRW sold off the company's assets, David purchased a large amount of video production equipment, paying for the gear by providing his production services to the company.

The next few years were lean, hard years where David struggled to develop a clientele of local businesses. As time passed, his production volume grew and David became a successful business owner.

By 2010, working as a Writer / Producer, David has completed many large production jobs for well known companies and organizations that include Novartis Pharmaceuticals, Merck Pharmaceuticals, Olympus Corporation, AVIS Car Rental Company, ERA Real Estate, RCI International, The Department of Defense and The Boy Scouts of America

As a producer, David's work has appeared on CNN, ESPN, Discover Channel, the four major Television Networks and has been distributed in Europe, Asia, China, Australia, Central and South America and Africa, as well as the United States.

David is currently seeking representation for his novel Chasm, which is a thriller about an aerospace engineer who becomes trapped in an unmanned cargo rocket bringing supplies to a space station.

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David's business, Ryan Video Productions Inc, is enjoying it's 23rd year producing commercial and corporate video programs. David recently partnered with Karen Katcher of Katcher Associates LLC to form 21st Floor Associates LLC, a multimedia development company that helps entrepreneurs in the startup and growth of their own businesses.

When he's not writing or working, David enjoys traveling, reading and enjoying the company of the important people in his life. David is an avid scuba diver and can often be found in the Atlantic Ocean, somewhere off the coast of New Jersey, exploring shipwrecks, appreciating the beauty of the seas, or catching lobsters.

David Felder, Author

Monday, March 22, 2010

Daves One-line movie reviews

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David Felder, Author

Monday, March 22, 2010

Daves One-line movie reviews

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About Me (short version)

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