Nice literary agents

I emailed three queries for "CHASM" Thursday night.

Many literary agents won't respond to an email'ed query if they're not interested.  I guess the attitude is that since they get so many emails from authors like myself seeking representation, there's no way they could possibly respond to all of them.  Many of the agents write on their websites that "if we're not intereseted, we won't write to let you know."

I've sent out a total of thirty requests over the past year, and about two thirds have found the time to click on the little REPLY button above the email and paste in the response "Not right for me but thanks for asking."  Hey, I'm not stupid - if you haven't responded to my email in 120 days, I know it's not sitting in the top of your inbox waiting for you to get to it.

When I checked my email Friday morning, I found responses from two agents who had read my email and didn't think my book was something they could sell.  I'm perfectly alright with that.  A "quick no" is really so much better than a "slow no." 

What I'd really like to do is mention them by name and say "Thank you for taking the time to respond so promptly," but I wouldn't want my comment to be misinterpretted as being sarcastic or angry.  Both of these professionals, however, have their names permanently stamped into my memory until the day I meet them at a writer's conference, or book signing, or where ever that meeting might occur.  When that happens I am going to warmly shake their hand, look them in the eye, smile and both enthusiastically and sincerely thank them for taking the time to act compassionately and kindly to a guy on the outside trying to claw his way in.

I'm also going to make Thursday my night for sending out queries.  A 66% response rate in 24 hours is darned good.

Writer's Regurgitant 1

No doubt you've heard of writers block.  I find that I suffer from writer's regurgitant.  Writer's regurgitant is when you're too lazy to write something new, so you throw up something that's already been written

So, what should I write about tonight?  I have this short story called "Faten's Gift," that I'd love to share with the world.  Unfortunately, my ego has taken over control of that story and has decided it's good enough to enter into a writing contest.  So I'm a little wary of "publishing" it on my website, because for some contests, that would prevent me from entering it.

I have a dozen magazine or newsletter articles I've had published, but my last two posts have been "regurgitants" of previous published works, so I think it's time for something different. 

Luckily, not only do I love to write, but I love to travel.  Nothing stimulates the writing gland in my head as much as a vacation.  So I thought I'd share a story this evening about a cruise I took last month to Mexico.  I'll set the story up, and then provide a link for you to examine it.

My cruise, which I paid for with Frequent Flyer Miles, was from San Diego to Mexico. 
My story is posted on "Cruise Critics," which is a web site where people share information about cruise lines and cruise ships.  Many people write "reviews" of their cruises, talking about the ships, the places they visit, and a full collection of infinitesimal details that surround their vacations.
"Carnival Spirit" is a cruise ship.  "6260" is a "Vista Suite" on the Spirit.  A Vista suite is one of the rooms at the corner of the back of the ship.  It's one of the largest cabins on the ship.
GF is Cruise Critic's message board abbreviation for "Girl Friend."
A "room steward" is the person who takes care of your room.  They are a combination maid/waiter/butler.
"Redlef" is my user name on the message board.

Read my drunken experiences here:  Cruise Critics Review

An old article about computer video

Here's an article I had published in 1996.  I find it quite amusing to read how much the world has changed.  My favorite line in the story is "You can even use it to send digitized video clips ... over the phone lines."  I don't know about you, but it's been a long time since I had my compouter connected to a phone line.  And my specification for a "HOT" computer called for 16MB of RAM and 1.9GB hard drive for $2000.  My phone has more memory than that and the memory chip cost under $10.  Click here to check out the old fossil boy's article in January 1996's Videomaker magazine archives.

Transcript of my job interview to be an official newsletter editor

I read that as a writer, it's important to establish a body of work that followers can read and enjoy.  With that in mind, I applied for a job as the editor of the monthly newsletter for the International Television Association.
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"So Dave, you want to be the editor of the International Television Newsletter?"
"You bet."
"What are your qualifications?"
"I've been an International Television Association member for three years."
"Really, we've never seen you at any meetings."
"I'm more of the quiet, 'sit on the sidelines' type of member."
"Oh.  When was the last meeting you attended?"
"March 2007.  But I consistently attend every 36 months."
"Well, if you're going to edit the newsletter, consistency is important.  What was the last thing you wrote?"
"Here......"
"Happy Birthday to my loving wife Linda, Love Dave.   Hmmm - well at least you have a concise, understandable writing style."
"Here's another sample."
"Dear Sirs, Enclosed please find one crushed digital SLR, found under my car tires this past weekend.  I am requesting replacement under the "satisfaction guaranteed" promise in your web advertisement.   Oh - you're a photographer too?
"Sure."
"Can we see some samples of your work?"
"I already thought of that.  I left the memory chip in the camera when I sent it in for repair, but as soon as I get it back I'll send you some pictures."
"We suppose that will have to do.  But an important part of editing a newsletter has to be motivating people.  You'll have to get other members to write articles for you, or you'll go nuts doing the whole job alone.  Do you think you can handle that?"
"That's easy!  I have people writing for me all the time.  I'm great at motivating authors."
"Is that so?  We'd be interested in knowing how you do that."
"I brought some examples to show you.  Here's a good one."
"Dear Friend.  Have you forgotten us?  It's been three months since we've received your last payment......Hmm."
"Would you like to see another one?"
"No thank you, we get the idea."
"Well if you have no more questions, does that mean I get the job?"
"Not exactly Mister Felder.  You don't really have the qualifications we were looking for.  Mind you, we're real impressed with your talents, but if you had just a little experience in writing, editing, managing, administering or photography, we'd probably jump at the opportunity to take you on as our editor."
"I'll work for free."
"Welcome aboard Dave, we're glad to have you here."
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Originally published September 1987.   Hey, it's hard to fill up a new blog with material!

The (Third) ''Worst Storyline Ever'' Contest!

Any writers out there looking for a little diversion should look at Chuck Sambuchino's blog-site for this contest:  http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/The+Third+Worst+Storyline+Ever+Contest.aspx

Daves One-line movie reviews

I've seen more movies the past five months than I've seen in the past five years, so I figured I'd fill up this first blog entry with some one-line movie reviews.

Here's my rule for reviewing movies.  My feeling is that movie reviews are so totally subjective as to be unfair.  Just because some hooey highfalutin' staff writer for a newspaper says a movie is bad, doesn't mean there's nothing in it for anyone else.  Aside from differences in tastes, even a bad film can have some good parts. That being said, when I write a one-line movie review, I won't say if the movie's good or bad or if you should see it or not.  I'll just try to come up with some clever one-line summation of the movie, intended to inflate my ego and sense of self importance.

Hey - I'm not much different than a real film critic after all.

Inglourious Basterds - Ok, saw it more than 4 months ago, but a great twisted, humorous film.  I even bought the DVD. If only it really happened that way.....

Star Trek - Hmmmmm....  I think I saw this already.  "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure," with updated special effects.  At least Captain Kirk gets laid by a human this time.

A Serious Man - You have to be Jewish to get it.  Quite an alternative direction from "No Country for Old Men."

Sherlock Holmes - I don't care what everyone else says - very entertaining, in spite of Guy Ritchie thinking he was making a BMW commercial.

Whatever Works - Sorry, fell asleep.  Woke up to sound of breaking glass and LD jumping out of a window, so not a total loss.

The Road - A whole new level in depressing movie making.  Pretty close adaptation of the book, which didn't have any punctuation.

Book of Eli - Remake of "The Road" with good fight scenes.  How come everyone turns into cannibals every time a few nuke's go off?  Favorite line:  "If you put your hand on me again, I'll cut it off."

2012 -  German director Roland Emmerich's fantasy response to "Inglouorious Basterds."    What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or however the cliche goes.  Speaking of cliche's, see this movie - great fun for the action and effects.

The Hurt Locker - Tense movie about bomb squads in Iraq.  Liked it, but surprised it was considered Academy Award material, especially when there are so many great movie adaptations about video games and cartoons . . .

It's Complicated -  all the funny parts were in the trailer.  If she makes you go to this, she owes you a zombie or cop movie on a Saturday night.

Avatar - It might be 3D, but you can't fool me.  Army bad - Coporation bad - Tree people good.  Anti government, anti business film from the director of the two biggest money making movies in history.   Guess business isn't that bad, as long as it's lining his pockets.

500 Days of Summer - Yeah, slept through this one too.

Crazy Horse - "The Wrestler" with country music.

ZombieLand - Great flick!  Must see comedy!  Woody Harrelson deserved an Oscar.  Best enjoyed with a tin of Octopus in tomato sauce.

The Blind Side -  Kick ass football sequences with short dresses and Sandra Bullock doing the Eric Brockovitch routine a-la Julia Roberts.  Sensitive sports movie for couples to enjoy together.  Did I mention Sandra Bullock looks great in a short dress?

Up in the Air - Got to the theater late and had to sit in the front row.  Movie was a 30 foot George Clooney nostril.  Why do they even bother putting seats that close?

Love Happens - Ugh.  Never give up the remote when looking for something on pay-per-view.  But she owes me Nightmare on Elm Street next month.....

Time Traveler's Wife - haven't seen it yet, but she won't let me avoid it much longer.  I feel another nap coming up . . . .

Forest Gump - I know, I know.  It's an oldie, but cable channel AMC ran it twice a night for a whole week this month.  I must have watched it at least five times.  Momma says - you got to put the past behind you before you can move on.